Shakespeare Looks Innocent

Shakespeare Looks Innocent

Originally uploaded by Lou FCD


Change in Canine Strategy

Shakespeare CoolAt least he’s given up barking for attention. That drove me nuts for a while.

When he wants attention now, he’s big enough to just take it. Here I sit, minding my own damned business, probably writing some drivel or other, and suddenly my arm is ripped away from the keyboard.


He wriggles his nose up under my arm, pushing upwards. As soon as he sees daylight, he pushes through the hole like an NFL power running back through a Pop Warner defense until he’s got all 80 pounds of his golden haired body across my lap, keyboard drawer pushed unceremoniously out of the way, keyboard and mouse wherever they land, tail of destruction wagging frantically, smashing whatever is in the way.

“Scratch my back, or I’ll head-butt you and give you a wet willy,” he says with eyes looking up and back to me, smiling cockily.

I comply.

I’m no idiot, and I’m well trained. Plus, getting two gallons of dog slobber out of my ear takes like forever.

From whence came the art:

That cameraphone snapshot is of Shakespeare, and was taken by Little John.


In the shade. Not a cloud in the sky.

Brutal to be at my son’s block party at school, but sometimes, a Dad’s job is never done…

My wife and I went and volunteered to chaperon. We lasted about an hour and a half, and fortunately, they were sending the kids back inside early because of the heat. I don’t think I could have taken much more.

I like it hot, but this was withering, without a sea breeze.

Got home and Shakespeare needed to go out. I took him out, he did his thing, he said out loud, “Dude. Fuck this.” He’s lying on the cool carpet under my desk.

I’m just going to cool off with Shakespeare under the desk for the rest of the day. The lawn needs mowing, but I just don’t care right now.

The end.

I’m Twenty Nine Today

Shakespeare CoolFor the thirteenth straight year, bitches!

From whence came the art:

That cameraphone snapshot is of Shakespeare, and was taken by Little John.

Dateline Jacksonville, 3:30 AM

Sneaky DogI am awakened by the dog.  He’s whimpering.  Now, when he wakes me up in the middle of the night whimpering, it’s because he’s stuck in the bathroom and wants out.  (He likes to sleep in the tub but sometimes bumps the door closed on the way by.)

This time, he’s not in the bathroom at all, but standing by the bedroom door.  (I keep the door closed at night so he doesn’t get into anything in the rest of the house.)  This is unusual enough that it’s worrisome.  He doesn’t go for his morning constitutional until around 8:00.  He’s pretty regular (all the fiber he gets eating my socks, I think).

I get up and go check the house.  My wife’s just home from the hospital, and still wearing a heart monitor (just in case thing), so she’s on the couch.  She’s fine.  The boys are fine, snoring like their lives depend on it.  Kay’s fine, she rolls over when I crack the door.

There’s no fire, no one creeping about the yard, the doorbell hasn’t rung.  There’s no Sunshine Behind the Trashcan (although it’d be a Gina at this point – relationships are kinda fluid at 13 I guess).

I return to the bedroom.

There, with the most innocent “What???” face ever beheld gracing the face of a golden retriever, Shakespeare lies in The Warm Spot on the bed.

He is so not getting any treats today.



drunken blogging, by vanz @ FlickrBlogging Under the Influence.

Turns out that Blair really is Blair. She called earlier today, and we had a lovely interview about blogging drunk, although as I warned her, I’m not half as interesting on the phone as I am in print.

Janie thought it was a riot that of all the things for ABC News to call up little ol’ me and interview me about, inebriated rantings was what fate had in mind. Oh, and not the local guys here in town, we’re talkin’ ABC News from New York. Ok, that really is pretty funny, and I can laugh at myself.

I don’t really drink a lot, but the pain meds I’m on produce the same effect. So although I don’t blog drunk very often, I do in fact BUI all the time. In fact, I plan on B’ingUI a little later this evening. (Note: If I say something that you find offensive during that time, it really sucks to be you.)

And just to add one more funny-if-it-were-someone-else note, I sat back in my computer chair this afternoon after grocery shopping (my daughter drove, don’t worry), and wound up on my butt. Somehow, someway, Shakespeare Da Bard Dawg managed to remove a wheel from my chair without tipping it over. I have no idea where it is. That damned Retriever is too smart for his own good.

It’s been a very ungraceful day for me, but one of the funniest in recent memory.

If you have a funny drunken blogging story, or if you BUI, email me at loujamesdad AT yahoo DOT com, so I can put you in touch with Blair.  She’d like to talk to you.

::From whence came the art:

That image is called drunken blogging, by vanz on Flickr.::

Family Updates

Livin Life in J-villeI know it’s rare that I post here more than once or twice a week, so I’m hoping I don’t cause any cardiac issues for anyone.

I just thought you’d like to know what’s been going on in the FCD family.

Read the rest of this entry »

Shakespeare Ate My Glasses

The CulpritBastard.

I have 20/10 vision in both my eyes, which means my vision is exceptional and I don’t really need them, but still.

For many years, I’ve kept a pair of drug-store glasses with 2.0 magnification on hand. I can read small print just fine, but I always use these so I don’t have to. I figure the less unnecessary strain I put on my eyes, the longer they’ll last.

It may not actually help at all, but it must not be too bad an idea, considering the vision I’ve got just before my fortieth birthday. Previous generations in my family wish their eyes had done so well.

Anyway, back to Shakespeare. I got out of the shower a while ago, and looked down on the bedroom carpet, and there lay two lenses from a pair of glasses. I panicked at first, thinking he must have gotten hold of my wife’s glasses, which are real prescription ones. That would have been more expensive, so I’m just glad that they were mine.

It took a few minutes to locate the frames.

Read the rest of this entry »

Does Shakespeare Have Feelings?

I mean obviously he can feel pain, and be happy or sad. But sometimes he’ll sit beside my chair and we’ll just look at each other. I wonder what he’s thinking when he looks at me. Anything? Friend? Master? Stupid Human that gets my food?

Sometimes I can really look through his eyes, back into his very being and see that we are friends.
Read the rest of this entry »