The Wisdom of Little John

Little John Conquers the WorldSo I’m speaking to my wife, and the subject of her father comes up. It’s a little touchy, understandably, so I’m gently joking a bit.

I mentioned that I re-read Thanks for All the Squirrels yesterday, and I made myself cry a little. (Ok, I did have to wipe a few tears, to be perfectly honest.)

“I’m a big sissy,” I say.

John pipes up:

“Well just because you got a dick between your legs don’t mean you can’t cry.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Dad would have been proud, I think.

Happy Coffee Pots and Sad Connections

I made this cup of coffee and it danced for meI’m a coffee addict. I drink a couple pots a day, which probably isn’t terribly healthy. With that kind of (over)usage, I tend to go through coffee pots fairly quickly. Usually, I’m happy to get a year or two out of them, so I don’t bother spending a great deal of money on them.

Last year, on Mother’s Day, my $10 Sunbeam decided it had had enough, and just stared angrily at me, rather than make my damned coffee. Recalcitrant jerk. It was Sunday, it was Mother’s Day, it was 6 A Fracking M. How terribly rude and inconvenient. Fortunately, Wal-Mart is open, even on Sunday, even on Mother’s Day, even at 6 A Fracking M.

It took some time, and was somewhat later in the morning before I actually got out the door, but I came home with my very first Mother’s Day present (from myself). I decided I’d splurge, and see if I could get more life out of something more expensive. It was sleek, black, and had a cappuccino / espresso maker attached. It was awesome, and I looked forward to the occasional chokalokacappuccino mocha latte ramalamadingdong.

Sadly, by Father’s Day, the thing would take like an hour to brew a pot of coffee, and gurgled and wheezed and caused the windows to rattle and I got the occasional complaint from the neighbors. I could always tell when they had planned on sleeping late in the morning by the evil stares across the yard in the afternoon. I had brewed too early. Still, I was determined to get my fifty bucks worth, and I’ve put up with the rattling, groaning, overpriced piece of garbage for over a year now.

This morning, the neighbors are happy. They are asleep in their beds, contentedly dreaming of JanieBelle and Kate and Lilith and Lucifer, whilst I sit here writing nonsense, enjoying freshly and quietly brewed joe. Little John, his own father now a permanent resident of California, surprised me with a beautiful white cheapo coffee pot for Father’s Day, and I love it dearly already.

But this Father’s Day brings me strange and sad news already as well.

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The Adventures of Little John

Little John Conquers the World

I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine. He also happens to be my brother-in-law (or cousin-in-law, depending on how you look at it).Little John isn’t so little any more, but that’s OK. He’s in his late twenties, and what’s amazing about that is that he wasn’t expected to live to see six months.

John was diagnosed at birth with Cerebral Palsy. Though that has never been officially changed to reflect a more accurate diagnosis, it’s likely that his issues are actually caused by Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, a very new diagnosis at the time of his birth.

My parents-in-law adopted him from my mother-in-law’s sister when he was still just a baby, and because of the continual prognoses of imminent demise, never really expected much of him. John’s a great guy in spite of all he’s been through, and is quite capable of functioning well above what’s always been expected of him. After Mom went to California, John became rather restless roaming the Kentucky farm on which he was raised, and this past year asked if he could come live with us. It’s a little crowded in our little home, but we’re glad he’s here. (Plus he makes great coffee, and is the self-named “coffee bitch” of the house. (I’m beginning to bristle a bit at that appellation, much as other family members have bristled at “Louie da turd”.))

John has been wanting to improve his literacy (and pick up chicks), and to that end he’s started a blog. I’m helping him along, and although he’s only got one post up so far and he’s still working on his “About” page, I’d appreciate it if y’all’d drop by and give him some encouragement.

Family Updates

Livin Life in J-villeI know it’s rare that I post here more than once or twice a week, so I’m hoping I don’t cause any cardiac issues for anyone.

I just thought you’d like to know what’s been going on in the FCD family.

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