What I Want

Rough Day, By Lou FCD on deviantArt

Rough Day, By Lou FCD on deviantArt

It’s a recurring theme lately.

I’ve been wrestling with being down, maybe to the point of depression. I’m not a doctor, so I can’t rightly say, but it wouldn’t surprise me to hear such a diagnosis.

So I suppose it’s natural that among the questions my friends are asking me are two that keep popping up: “What do you want?” and its sister question, “What do you need?”

The second question is easy to answer now, but it took me a while to figure out. I need to be. I need to be sad, and I need for that to be OK. I am not ready to be happy today. I need you to listen, not try and make it better. I need your permission, I need your acceptance. I need a hug from you.

The first is not a hard question to answer, it’s just a hard question to feel allowed to answer. I know what I want. I can’t have it, but I know what I want. I can’t tell you about it, but I know what I want. I can’t express it generally in public on Twitter or Facebook even, but I know what I want.

Do you really want to know what I want? I hope you mean it when you say you do, because if you keep pressing me, I’m going to tell you. And you know what I’m going to say.

What I want is a fist full of your hair in one hand, a fist full of your breast in the other. What I want is to growl your name behind your ear and hear you whimper mine. What I want, right here and right now, is to sink my teeth into the back of your shoulder, and feel your warm, wet tears on the back of mine.

That’s what I want.

From whence came the art:

That image is titled Rough Day, by me, all rights reserved. You can purchase prints of my work at my print-shop on dA, or you can just hire me for your intimate or other portraiture needs.

12 Responses to “What I Want”

  1. khan Says:

    Teeth and hair and tears…

  2. Mandi Says:

    *hug* from many miles away.

  3. Stephanie Z Says:

    Love you, dear. All the hugs electrons can carry.

  4. Rystefn Says:

    I can relate. Sometimes I want to bite the shit out of me too…

    Seriously, though, feel what you feel. A lot of people want to say differently, but sometimes that’s what you need. If you need someone to talk to, you know how to get in touch with me. I may not be good for much, but I’m pretty good for that.

  5. Glendon Mellow Says:

    It’s a great photo. Easy to relate to even though we can’t see the figure’s full face.

    Glad you’re on dA.

  6. BWE Says:

    Hey Lou,

    Great photo. Hope school is going well.


    • Lou FCD Says:

      Thanks, BWE!

      I think it’s going very well so far, but I have my first Plant Phys exam on Monday. Let’s wait until after that before passing final judgment on how the semester is going so far! 🙂

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