19 Responses to “Hello. My Name is John Smith. I Hope You Die.”

  1. Kym Says:

    Hello, my name is Kym and I’m a genealogy addict.

    And whenever I find Smith’s or Jones marrying into the line, I cry. Why don’t they have some nice unnormal name like Miover or Bunchberry?

  2. Lou FCD Says:

    Y’know what else sucks? Peoples. Search engines always assume you’re looking for the word “people”.

    Also, Jacob Young in New Jersey, Ann Pratt, Jacob Hummel in Chester Co., PA, James Daniel(s) and Henry Conley (Connelly) in Eastern KY. They’re all part of The New World Chapter of The Brick Wall Gang.

    Also, anyone, of any surname, that names their daughter either Mary or Elizabeth, should be killed. Anyone naming a girl Mary Elizabeth should be killed twice, even if they’re already dead.

    And what’s up with those bitches that go back and forth between their first and middle names? Or change “Mary” to “Polly” or “Elizabeth” to “Lizzie”? Or “Sarah” to “Sally”? This is totally unacceptable. They all need to get their dead asses up out of their graves and go fix that crap.

    And dudes. I totally don’t give a shit if you don’t like “Adoniram” or “Ralph”. That’s the goddamned name your parents gave you. They spent a great deal of time making sure I wouldn’t confuse you with your cousin who was born a week before you were. You are NOT free to just start going by “Pub” or “Ned” or “Bill”! Don’t make me dig your sorry ass up and kick you.

    I’m quitting before I blow another gasket. I’m sick and I’m in no mood for shit from zombie assholes.

  3. Lou FCD Says:


    No offense to Dr. Woods’ parents.

  4. Lou FCD Says:


    Grandpa Jonas the Chuckler had the bright idea of naming one of his boys “Ernest”. Now see, that would have been good…

    Except that he had the misfortune of being born in 1876 and dying in 1915.

    That became a problem, especially when trying to search through old newspapers.

  5. Kym Says:

    Oh God, talk about a needle in a haystack!!

  6. Lou FCD Says:

    Yeah, no kidding.

    I still have to keep re-convincing the family that the famous one, if related at all, isn’t even vaguely closely related.

    His ancestors left Yorkshire for Ireland in like the 1500s. Mine left Yorkshire for New York in the 1880s.

    Knowing our family’s notorious sense of humor, I can see it now:

    “Look what your uncle’s been up to lately!”

    What probably started out as a joke has become a family legend that just won’t die. There are several of those in my family tree, in fact, and it doesn’t matter how many times I produce the paperwork, including birth certificates, I have to keep telling the same people the same things.

    Don’t even get me started on the Irish Maid Story that was given to my grandmother about her father…

  7. Cuzzin' Dottie Says:

    Hey there, Cuzzin Lou – I’m happy to hear that your addiction has raised it’s ugly head again. Grandpa Jonas looks pretty good – bet he never thought he’d be on “the net” one day. Seriously – have you tured up ANY info on our Shackleton – Bancroft ancestors since we last talked about them? Take care and keep in touch.

  8. Lou FCD Says:

    Yay! Cuzzin’ Dottie came by!

    Actually, I think I have found just a little bit since last we spoke!

    I’ll gather up what I’ve got and send it along via email.

    I have a new email address, so keep an eye out for it. The old one kept filling up with crap, so I stopped using it.

  9. Lou FCD Says:

    Check your inbox, Cuz.

  10. John Smith Says:


    Hi, This is John Smith your direct ancestor. Yup, we have internet access here in the Fifth Bardo, tho it’s still only dialup. They some day they’ll get high speed here, but I’m not holding my breath. Well. We don’t exactly have ‘breath’ here. Long story. Never mind.

    Anyway, I just wanted to say that I *could* totally clear up all these genealogical problems. I knew most of the John Smiths you’re talking about, and I even know when they were born, what town they were born in, and when they died. And you know, I checked Ancestry.com, and there are a couple HUGE mistakes in there. 5 minutes and I could save you YEARS of frustration.

    But you know what?

    I don’t like your attitude. Dig me up? Kick me the shins? I don’t think so.

    Hey, maybe once you’re up here, we can both chat about it and have a good laugh. But in the meantime? Bite me.

    your ancestor,
    John Smith

  11. Lou FCD Says:

    Dear PopPop,

    You suck.



  12. John Smith Says:

    Just one more thing.

    You’re really related to the SHACKLETONS? Those guys were the worst lowlifes in Yorkshire! They didn’t ’emigrate’, they were *chased* out. Here’s a hint: a crucial Shackleton ancestor of yours that you’re trying to trace was hanged for stealing pigs. And he was one of the more *respectable* ones.

    Shit. Now I’m *really* not helping you out.

  13. Lou FCD Says:

    Seriously though, when I first started looking into the family, I got a subscription to Ancestry and one to Genealogy.com. (There’s the same company now, Ancestry bought Genealogy.)

    Like an idiot, I assumed that a subscription Genealogical database would have information from professional genealogists, and imported all the gedcom files that I could link to into my own database.

    Eight years later, I’m still cleaning that crap out. At least now they have lots of original documents, but I totally ignore all the user submitted crap. It’s more than 99% made up out of thin air and just passed around to unsuspecting nitwits like I was.

    I’m thinking about starting a completely new file, sourced one piece at a time, nothing that doesn’t have original documentation, because just yesterday I ran into a big hunk of crap in my database that was still left over from the blind old days.

    On the upside, I’m finding a ton of new images of original old docs.

    I’ll be sharing some of that here from time to time, I think. Cool old pictures, census returns, grave pictures…

    Hi. My name is Lou, and I’m a genealogy addict.

  14. John Shackleton Says:

    Hey, John Shackleton here. Not the Keighley one, the Barnsley one. You know, died 1616? Anyway, I just had a message for that John Smith bastard: I least I only *stole* the pigs, unlike some other people I could name, if you know what I mean and I think you do…

  15. Lou FCD Says:

    Heh. Granpop,

    Aunt Mary keeps asking me

    1. “How are we related to Sir Ernest again?”
    2. “Did you ever find out who it was that was hung for being a horse thief?”

  16. Kym Says:

    I look at the stuff submitted by other people but BUT I do not import it. I check each fact ( it is way easier to check info already gathered than to find it on your own.) If I can’t check, I copy down the info put it into my notes and check it when and if I can but I don’t use it as solid info (ie if Annie Claybury is listed on Ancestry’s user submitted site as the mother of Tom Claybury but I can’t confirm I put it into my notes. If later I find that Bill Claybury is Annie’s father, I might add it to my notes but I don’t put either Annie or Bill into my charts.)

    I don’t understand why the user submitted stuff isn’t documented. Its practically worthless like it is.

  17. Lou FCD Says:

    It’s worse than worthless, Kym. It has a real negative impact on people who are trying to do real historical research, especially N00Bs who don’t know any better. People do crappy work and then it gets passed around, and next thing you know it’s everywhere.

    Worse, Ancestry doesn’t go out of their way to make sure it’s clearly indicated that the information in those databases is just user submitted, unverified crap, and they sort of pass it off as legitimate information. It’s sort of more separated off in its own category now so that’s a little better, but it used to be just mixed in with the rest.

    I won’t submit my work to them anymore. There’s one tree of mine from the very beginning that I can’t get them to take down because I don’t have that email address anymore. That pisses me off.

  18. Duncan Leech Says:

    Not sure how to enter this dialouge, but my Great Great grandad, and grandad was Jonas Shackleton, they lived in Bradshaw west riding of Yorkshire, my Grandad Jonas is buried at Mount Zion Ogden, where you can see his grave and a tad more history by visiting the chaples website.

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