Half a tank of gas looking for a red party dress in my size that didn’t look like it belonged on a 75 year old big tittied grandmother in a bad wig:
Strapless red satin party dress at Ross, size 8 (eat your hearts out ladies, I’m rubbing it in):
$6.50 – marked down from $59.00
Generous opinions and assistance from Ross’ changing room attendants, cashiers, and stock girls who came to watch me try on several different dresses and help me choose the one that looks best on me:
The look on the face of the cashier who checked us out and was not in attendance through the fittings and who was about to smack me on the forehead and start speaking in tongues to heal me:
I have to go start shaving now. It’ll probably take all night.
From whence came the art: