What I Want

Rough Day, By Lou FCD on deviantArt

It’s a recurring theme lately.

I’ve been wrestling with being down, maybe to the point of depression. I’m not a doctor, so I can’t rightly say, but it wouldn’t surprise me to hear such a diagnosis.

So I suppose it’s natural that among the questions my friends are asking me are two that keep popping up: “What do you want?” and its sister question, “What do you need?”

The second question is easy to answer now, but it took me a while to figure out. I need to be. I need to be sad, and I need for that to be OK. I am not ready to be happy today. I need you to listen, not try and make it better. I need your permission, I need your acceptance. I need a hug from you.

The first is not a hard question to answer, it’s just a hard question to feel allowed to answer. I know what I want. I can’t have it, but I know what I want. I can’t tell you about it, but I know what I want. I can’t express it generally in public on Twitter or Facebook even, but I know what I want.

Do you really want to know what I want? I hope you mean it when you say you do, because if you keep pressing me, I’m going to tell you. And you know what I’m going to say.

What I want is a fist full of your hair in one hand, a fist full of your breast in the other. What I want is to growl your name behind your ear and hear you whimper mine. What I want, right here and right now, is to sink my teeth into the back of your shoulder, and feel your warm, wet tears on the back of mine.

That’s what I want.

From whence came the art:

That image is titled Rough Day, by me, all rights reserved. You can purchase prints of my work at my print-shop on dA, or you can just hire me for your intimate or other portraiture needs.

Photoblogging My Coastal Friends

Bianca, by LouFCD on Flickr

My good friend and Zoology classmate Bianca (pictued above – forget it, she’s married) noted to me at school that Crowded Head has been very ranty of late. While it’s true that this is my own special place for venting, I’d rather not allow that to become the general tone here, either.

With that in mind, I’ve been looking for something to write that doesn’t involve a great deal of venom and spittle. I’ve not really been inspired to write much lately though, what with school sucking up all my creative energy like a sponge on a bar.

It occurs to me that I haven’t posted any of my recent photos here, however, so I’m going to share some of my favorites that I’ve taken lately.

I’ve shot a handful of friends from school, and I have an idea about doing a specific collection (I’ll write about it when it’s done). Meanwhile, these have begun to grow into a bit of a personal yearbook.

More photos of my friends and schoolmates lie below the fold.

Donna Hughes and the War Against Whores

I Support Sex Workers' Rights

What do anti-sex crusaders and the sellers of creationist bullshit have in common?

I mean besides quotemining, deliberate conflation, obfuscation, and general disregard for reality. Well it turns out they’re both examples of scum sucking dirtbags.

Look, two academics squaring off against other academics, including one who HAS been an actual supporter of sex workers, and one who does listen to what we have to say, over what, you might ask? Prostitution in Rhode Island.

Read the rest at Renegade Evolution, because I don’t even want to repeat the fucking dishonest, disgusting, filthy garbage that Donna Hughes put out. I just don’t have the stomach to print that pile of shit, so read it at Ren’s.

I Was Shamed Into It, Now So Are You

Analiese Miller, by Ben Zvan

I was, I admit. But there are worse things to be shamed into getting off my ass and posting about.

Ben Zvan is an excellent photographer, and Analiese Miller is a lovely subject. She’s also part of the Quiche Moraine crew.

Ana needs your assistance. She’s trying to get a walk-on part on the TV show Mad Men, and you need to go vote for her (once a day).

Do it. Do it now. Otherwise, I’ll call you a dirty accommodationist.

From whence came the art:

That image of Analiese Miller was taken by Ben Zvan, who begs you to go vote for her! (And also took the great head-shot of me that adorns the right sidebar of this blog, by the way.)

A Minor Thing

Douche by Mike Schmid

I would just like to point out from my humble little corner of the blogosphere that if you start your discussion of the causes of war-time rape with, “You are a rapist, even though you’ve never raped anyone”, it isn’t really me who has made it all about me, is it?

That’s all.

From whence came the art:

That image is titled Douche, by Mike Schmid, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike license.

Inerrant The Wind

Atheist Talk Radio

Inerrant the Wind

Minnesota Atheists’ “Atheists Talk” radio show.

Sunday, November 30, 2008, 9-10 a.m. Central Time

Robert M. Price: “Inerrant the Wind”

What has been the modern history of viewing the Bible as “inerrant” – that is, literally true in all its details? Prolific author Robert M. Price joins us to discuss his new book “Inerrant the Wind: The Evangelical Crisis in Biblical Authority.”

We welcome questions during the program at (952) 946-6205

or radio@MinnesotaAtheists.org.

“Atheists Talk” airs live on AM 950 KTNF in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area.

To stream live, go to http://www.am950ktnf.com/listen.

Podcasts of past shows are available at

http://MinnesotaAtheists.org or through iTunes.

Program Notes are available at http://MinnesotaAtheists.org.

The End of The Last Road

Rystefn has died.

Goodbye, friend.

Five Friends

HT: Greg Laden

Campbell Brown Ain’t Buying Your Bridge

The Administration really is living in an alternate reality, as is the entire Republican Party.

(More insanity below the fold, ably addressed by Campbell Brown.)

Cults

Cults

HT: Barking Mad

Pin-up Bloggers!

2009 Sexbloggers Calendar

A dozen of your favorite New York City sex bloggers and sex educators are joining together to support Sex Work Awareness, a non-profit whose mission statement says it all:

We believe that all sex workers have a right to self-determination; to choose how we make a living and what we do with our bodies.

We aim to empower our diverse community by building the capacity of sex worker-serving and sex worker member-based institutions as well as the skills and resources of sex workers themselves.

We also conduct research about sex workers and the sex industry in order to better understand it, develop public education initiatives, and advocate for the rights of sex workers.

The theme is burlesque. The poses will be sexy. And who will be posing? Take a look, below the fold!

PreCalc, For A Classmate

Our Textbook

One of my classmates needs some notes she missed.

You can just click the images, which will take you to a larger version of them that is easier to read, OK? If those are still too small, you can click “all sizes” (just above the images there), and it will give you a great big honking sized image.

There are 8 pages.

If you have any questions, leave a comment or email me.

Do well on the quiz tonight!

Lou

(The scans of my notes are below the fold)

I Shoulda Took Pitchers

Insanity, Thy Name Is James

Life with a teenage boy can be interesting.  Trying at times, but definitely interesting.  Especially when he is such an extrovert.  There is nothing outside the limits of his curiosity, or his humor.  Nothing.  I like that about him (usually).

Put two of them under one roof, add the cover of darkness and sparklers, insanity is inevitable.  It just is.

We went and watched the fireworks at Camp Lejeune last night, as we do every year.  Nice display, though a little shorter, smaller, and less dramatic than usual.  Parking was a little better handled this year, and leaving the base not the usual pain in the ass.  Of course we had D with us this year, and it was his first time that he could remember going.  He and J.P. hung out and kept each other occupied and out of trouble, so it worked out pretty well all the way around.

The fun really started after we got home.

Fireworks are mostly illegal in North Carolina.  Well, illegal to possess.  Apparently, not illegal to sell, as they sell all sorts of things in Wal-Mart, Sam’s Club, at road-side stands, etc. that I would think fall outside the law.  It’s one of those things that come the approach of Independence Day, everybody just sort of ignores, I guess.

I don’t mess with them, just because they’re illegal.  It’s just not worth the potential hassle to me, and I try to set a good example for the kids.  But somebody gave Jane a few boxes of sparklers for the kids, and I don’t have any problem with that (they’re legal), so once we got home (10:30/11ish), I sat out on the porch and lit sparklers for the kids.  They were tough to get going, so I lit them and handed them off.

Remember the two teenage boys?  Yeah, that wasn’t going to be interesting enough, by any stretch.

(Crazy kids, below the fold)

Fire

Got a call from Kay a while ago, she had just gone to pick up her check from work and put it in the bank.  (Still hard to get over her working and driving and all that!)

She’d gotten a block down the street.  A friend of my son, we’ll call him D, lives down there.  He’s kind of one of my adopted children.  D was home alone, and his house had caught fire.  I grabbed both house extinguishers and started to run down the street, hoping it was maybe a pot on the stove or something.

No.  When she said “on fire”, she meant “on fire”.  D was out and unhurt, spraying the garden hose in one of the front bedroom windows, but it was a battle he had no chance of winning.  At the very most he might have slowed the fire a little until the fire companies got there – except it was already in the ceiling and attic.  It was brave, if hopeless.

(More after the fold)

The Wisdom of Little John

So I’m speaking to my wife, and the subject of her father comes up. It’s a little touchy, understandably, so I’m gently joking a bit.

I mentioned that I re-read Thanks for All the Squirrels yesterday, and I made myself cry a little. (Ok, I did have to wipe a few tears, to be perfectly honest.)

“I’m a big sissy,” I say.

John pipes up:

“Well just because you got a dick between your legs don’t mean you can’t cry.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Dad would have been proud, I think.

Nobility, Honor, Honesty, Integrity

Fine words and fine sentiments. Goals for which we strive, and rightly so, I think.

I tend to see things in black and white. Sometimes I forget we are just humans, and humans are messy creatures. There is always the constant struggle between what we want and desire for ourselves and what is right for us and those around us. Life is not always right and wrong, but sometimes a sliding scale of amorphous choices, in which nobility and honor and honesty and integrity are a subjective judgement of actions or character, imposed by history in retrospect.

Who is more noble, Ashley Wilkes or Lancelot? Who had more honor, in the end? Which was more honest, and which had integrity? Can we fairly judge, not having been in either of their shoes exactly? Are we hypocrites all? Are these questions just philosophical masturbation?

Perhaps, just perhaps, they were both just human after all.

Or perhaps, you’re just reading the ravings of a sleep deprived mad man.

The one is as likely as the other, I think.

Our Kama Sutra

Click the pic to go read more xkcd. Great comic strip.

HT: Berlzebub

Long, Long Ago In a City Far, Far Away

What does Ben Franklin have in common with George Lucas?

A museum in Philadelphia.

We went to visit Diana and Wonderman (and little WonderDude) in Philly this past weekend, and while there, visited The Franklin Institute. The Franklin Institute is the coolest Science museum in the universe, and it’s always a treat to go. One of the most famous permanent exhibits is a huge model of a human heart that you can walk through, following the path of the blood. There are a gazillion other cool things to see and do, lots of stuff for kids of all ages to touch and play with, an IMAX theater, a skybike, the list goes on.

But this trip was a little extra special for a bit of a return to my childhood. For a short time, the Franklin Institute is being visited by the traveling Star Wars exhibit. I took some pictures, but my little digital camera takes pretty crappy pictures indoors. I’ve done the best I can to enhance them for you. I’m a good host like that.

Head below the fold to check out the best of my pictures of some of the props from the Star Wars movies, and click them for really big versions.

If I’d Have Known You Were Coming

I’d have baked a cake.

(UPDATE: As the updated image would indicate, I’ve had a change of heart about the BlueNC blog, and can no longer recommend it in good conscience. See here.)

Welcome BlueNC community members. I was a little surprised at the welcome and the link love on the front page there, so let me first say, “Thank you”.

Have a look around. There’s a section on the right side bar called “Some Personal Favorites” that contains some things I’ve written that are… well… personal favorites. There’s some information about me and this blog here on this post. The Incident of the Red Dress is documented mostly under the tag Aunt Helen, if you’re interested in seeing me in a dress. I hope you are brave. The deep background on that incident is over at UDoJ.

That ought to keep you busy for a while, so pull up a chair and relax. Feel free to get half lit and post a comment. Say hello.

For the rest of you who happen by here from time to time, I’ve recently reacquainted myself with Thomas Brock’s blog, called Bloviations, and a link there led me to BlueNC, a community political blog. I’ve been reading there to become more familiar with the political scene here in my little corner Down East.

You might have also noticed I’ve done a little rearranging to accommodate the Atheist Blogroll (bottom of the left sidebar) a little better, and I’ve added a few blogs to the Monkeysphere.

Afarensis is a great anthropology blog at ScienceBlogs, and Bob O’H has moved Deep Thoughts and Silliness onto the Nature network. I found out that Dr. Gary Hurd has a blog to which he occasionally posts, and you might take a moment to visit Stones and Bones and encourage him to write a little more often.

Natasha Yar-Routh has returned to the blogosphere at A Gender Queer View and by the way, who the heck knows where Kevin went?

From whence came the art:

That visual commentary on the BlueNC blog is my own work on their logo, and would fall under fair use.

Phreaky Phred Comes to Town

Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church are coming to town today. They’re protesting at the base because of the young pregnant Marine, Corporal Maria Lauterbach, who was found murdered here recently.

What one has to do with the other, who knows? I don’t.

I had intended to go down and take some pictures, mostly out of morbid curiosity but also for future Photoshop enabled ridicule and humor value. Of course, with Phreaky Phred et. al. Photoshop would almost be superfluous. Whatever, that’s neither here nor there really.

Yesterday’s column by Timmi Toler had me thinking twice for a while. She advocated ignoring them completely, thus removing their only real power. It’s true that they are little more than attention seekers with a message of hate, and it’s true that without attention they would probably just fade away, and deservedly so.

But after thinking about it, here’s my problem with that strategy. Phelps is just a less publicly palatable version of Mike Huckabee or Mitt Romney or any one of a number of very prominent Christians. Removing Phelps from the public view is akin to locking up crazy old Uncle Joe in the closet so he’ll stop telling the family secrets to dinner guests. It doesn’t really do anything to cure the family disfunction.

My response, which can also be found here on Timmi’s blog where she reposts her columns (highly recommended blog, btw), is below the fold.